literature

Flight of Surrender

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Literature Text

Flight of Surrender

I left to be alone--
I left unannounced--
Struck out on a journey
Far from my home

Tears mix with the snow
My feet sink into puddles
Head bowed to the biting cold
I don’t know where to go

There’s a large highway
Should I cross it?
One foot on the concrete
I don’t know where else anyway

My tears mix with the snow
Socks quickly become soaked
As I cross this barren prairie
Where I’m going, I don’t know

A large sigh of wind gusts
It blows my hair
I let my hood blow down
I don’t care if my hair gets mussed

I find my familiar path
Skinny, winding and black
Woods, gaping and stretching
I cringe at winter’s gusting wrath

I pull in my mitten-less hands
And begin down my path
The snow continues to fall
Upon my wet face the snow lands

No one else knows
This darkened path of mine
And even though I’ve visited it often
I’ve still yet to find where it goes

There’s a bridge of wood
It looks sturdy. It looks safe
I cross it, looking far below at the water
I wonder if I could…if I should…

I wearily shake my head
That’s not why I’m here
But why am I here?
Why have I from my home fled?

A sigh from the wind--and me
Best not think on that
I look to the right
Looks like a good path, I agree

I decide to change my route
I leave my path
And head down into the woods
Foreboding, dark, and destitute

I crunch through the snow
As I walk down into the forest
The branches snag my coat, my hair
I shouldn’t go here, I suddenly know

I stop. There’s a steep drop
Below is that same creek I crossed earlier
I want to cross the water again
But the two banks are too far away to hop

I walk down along the edge of the bank
Leaning against a tree to rest
I lift my head to face the sky of grey
The snow and clouds, all grey, white, and blank

A sudden, squawking noise makes me jump
From within my pocket rings my phone
I look at it. Who is it this time?
The name hits me like a dagger with a resounding thump

It’s him. Why?
Why would he seek me out
When I had left him so suddenly?
I answer my phone with a forlorn sigh

Where are you?
“I’m far away”
It’s cold out
“Yeah, and snowing too”

You’re acting strange
“I just want to think”
What made you leave?
“I wanted to be somewhere quiet for a change.”

I’m going to look for you, okay?
“No, don’t”
Why not? I want to
“It’s cold out. Too cold today”

Well, you’re out there alone
That seems like a good reason to look
“You won’t find me”
“I’m in a place unknown”

Fine, then, direct me
“No. I can’t”
Why not?
“…Just let me be”

Click. I hang up on him
He better not try to find me
He’ll get too cold
Only I can be in this place so grim

No one else knows
This darkened path of mine
And even though I’ve visited it often
I’ve still yet to find where it goes

I walk again down the bank
Searching for a place to sit
My eyes begin to burn again with tears
I’m crying again. I have him to thank

I find a large downed tree
It serves as a bridge
I climb upon it
It looks safe, far as I can see

I stop in the middle, looking down
I sit upon the trunk
Dangling my feet over
I wonder, briefly, what it’d be like to drown

I shake my head.
What a useless thought
Thinking. That’s why I came here
And from all the hideous noise I fled

The noise of life
The noise of my heart
The feeling of dread
The dream of the knife

So here I sit upon this tree
Thinking in deep misery
Upon how horribly I live my life
Feeling the blood from my dream knife

No one else knows
This darkened path of mine
And even though I’ve visited it often
I only just found to where it goes
I left my home one day to find I had left upon a voyage to nowhere. Crossing dangerous roads and into the dark forest that I often only view from afar. It was cold. It reminded me deeply of how I felt. Cold, empty, and dead. One tried to guide me back, to find me and bring me home. All it did was make me want to hide further and to never go back.

Sometimes people just need to be left alone to let their surrender leave them. When deep thoughts are suddenly wrenched to the surface, a horrible backlash can often occur.

Sorry for the length. The journey was indeed a long one. And, like in the poem, I fear it ended too abruptly in a place I did not want to go.
© 2008 - 2024 Neveko
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